girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
