Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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