right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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