life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
