First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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