also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
