On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i think im in europe. pls send help
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
