Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
