someone threw a dead crab at me
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
