last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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