I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
