Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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