I'm passing your future prison.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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