I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
