he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
