I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My Higher Power is John Stamos
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
