i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
