so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
