i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
