Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
