I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
