Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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