What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
