He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
