I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
