Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
