SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
