New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
