ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
