Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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