Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
