I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
