Cold hands, warm shart.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
