i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I did not marry a roomba.
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