good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
