he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We were destined to go to rehab together
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
