I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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