He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she told me i tasted like america
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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