bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Randomize
