Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
