you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
