I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
