He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
