I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
