You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
