is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just had sex on a roof
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize