If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Your penis caused this!
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