dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
