my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
