My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
