she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
