In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
