come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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