The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
