i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
