Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
