Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
