yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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