Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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