just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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