stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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