I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
