He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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